I’m already looking to give JoyTay’s relationship a name. We don’t even have official pap-stroll photos of Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn (yet) and they’re already exhausting me. Someone (WHO?) keeps sending out unnamed sources to spread the word about how Tay is now obsessed with privacy, especially after the Glorious Tiddlebanging of 2016 blew up in her face. Every other word in these JoeTay stories is “private” and “secret.” So let’s give this relationship a name: Taylor has moved from The Glorious Tiddlebanging to The Super-Private JoeTaying of Secrets. So what’s new with The Super-Private JoeTaying of Secrets? Even though they are private and secretive, someone wants you to know that Taylor’s squad already knows all about JoeTay. SO SECRET. Much private.
Taylor Swift is taking her relationship with Joe Alwyn to the next level. An insider tells E! News exclusively the pop star and British actor are officially “exclusive,” less than a month after news surfaced of their blossoming romance. The couple has spent time in Joe’s native England as well as Taylor’s Nashville hometown, and were most recently spotted in New York City driving in a chauffeured car with her bodyguards. But despite the Swiftie fandom being kept mostly in the dark on the Grammy winner’s new man, her A-list squad is most definitely in the know.
“This isn’t a new couple alert or a secret relationship,” a second source close to Taylor and Joe shares. “The only people this has been a secret to is the media because all of us—Taylor and Joe’s closest friends and their families—were aware they have been together for several months and have known each other for a long time.”
So which members of Swift’s inner circle have had the pleasure of meeting Joe? Well for starters, we’re told both Selena Gomez and Gigi Hadid, as well as other “close friends,” have spent time getting to know the 26-year-old Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk star. The source explains that T. Swift and SelGo talk “all the time” via phone and text about “what’s going on in [Swift’s] life.”
“They both seem to be pretty similar to their approach on their relationships this time around,” the insider continues, referring to Selena’s relationship with The Weeknd. And speaking of Taylor, 27, keeping her personal life extremely under wraps after the fallout from dating Tom Hiddleston and Calvin Harris, our source says her doing so is not unintentional by any means.
The insider shares, “[Swift and Alwyn] are still in the beginning stages with learning about each other as she is trying to take this relationship slower than the past ones. She got buried in media being on top of her life during the last relationship, so she tried everything in her power to not have that happen again,” a third source previously told E! News. “She worked very closely with her security team and management to make sure her life going forward was private. ”
The source added, “She doesn’t want the photos, the hysteria, the speculation. When she’s ready, she’ll talk about it. Don’t expect this to play out like her other relationships.”
[From E! News]
IT IS SO SECRET. She is truly obsessed with her privacy, you guys. That’s why we’re getting daily updates on the exclusivity of their relationship, how he’s met her squad and what her media strategy will be going forward. SO PRIVATE. I always find it to be a great hallmark of a super-secret (AND PRIVATE) relationship for one of the people in the relationship outlines their media strategy to the press.
Also: is this a real sentence? “She got buried in media being on top of her life during the last relationship, so she tried everything in her power to not have that happen again.” What is on top of her life? The media? Or was Taylor on top of her life? Is there an easier way to say that?? I think the “source” was trying to say that the media hype surrounding The Glorious Tiddlebanging made her feel like she was being “buried” in gossip. To which I say… wasn’t that the f–king point of The Glorious Tiddlebanging? It was one of the stupidest deflections in the history of stupid deflections. She wanted the press to focus on something else besides the receipts, so she gave us Tiddlebanging In Rhode Island.
Photos courtesy of WENN.